


You Had Me At Hello, Newman

by ShimmerShadows



Category: Seinfeld
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Laundry, M/M, Sweaters, cable TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 19:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16687909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShimmerShadows/pseuds/ShimmerShadows
Summary: New neighbors, bonding over basic cable. And maybe some premium channels.





	You Had Me At Hello, Newman

It was one of the more expensive apartments in New York, but Jerry had a good feeling about this new place. Most of the boxes were unpacked, now it was just the feeling of being alone in a new alien location. Jerry knew isolation well. Years of working on the road, long days on the highway to perform standup at some dump in Kansas in front of 17 drunks. But he would make this new place work.  
  
A knock at the door. A friendly face, the man was jolly, a large smile.  
  
"Hi, neighbor! I'm Newman, I live down the hall"  
  
"Oh! Hello, Newman!"  
  
"There's a trick to getting free cable in this building."  
  
"I don't really watch TV."  
  
"Ah, but you would if you had free cable, Jerry, I'm sure of it."  
  
Newman rushed to Jerry's television set as Jerry continued to stand at the door.  
  
"Do you like the premium channels, Jerry?"  
  
"Like HBO?"  
  
"There's all sorts of channels for all sorts of people."  
  
Jerry closed the door.  
  


* * *

Newman placed his hand on Jerry's cheek, his thumb sliding across Jerry's checkbone as his member was sucked. Jerry's tongue curled and whipped, caressing every nerve of Newman's shaft, leaving a thin coat of saliva across his skin. Beads of sweat accumulated across Newman's brow, his large lungs pulling in deep gasps of air, an occasional staccato when the odd flash of energy went up his spine.  
  
Newman roared as he climaxed, like the bellow of a caged beast let free, his hands held tight to Jerry's head as he let loose a thin rope of cum.  
  
"Did you just cum on my sweater?"  
  
"... No."  
  
"You did, you just came on my favourite sweater."  
  
"Really Jerry, that could have been anyone."  
  
"It's still wet."  
  
"Okay. I'm not saying it's mine, but I'll put it in the washing machine for you."  
  
"I can't put this sweater in the wash, it'll fall apart. If it's not yours, where is your cum?"  
  
"I," Newman licked his lips, "didn't cum."  
  
"Get out of here!"  
  
"Enjoy your cable," Newman said, followed by a hearty, sinister laugh.

* * *

"Hi, I'm Kramer."  
  
"Hey, I'm Jerry. Sorry, I'm about to do some laundry."  
  
"Ah, I won't keep you. Unless you want to know the trick to getting free laundry in this building."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't recall if there was an origin story episode with Newman, but hey, this seemed a plausible excuse for the animosity


End file.
